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Wednesday, June 7, 2000 03:35 p.m. I'm going to go get coffee at 4. If you want to come, PAGE ME. I actually have money so I wouldn't be mooching off of you, i might even pay for you if I really feel like it. Talk to you soon. Wednesday, June 7, 2000 09:48 a.m. Hey babes I'm sorry i haven't been writing much. yesterday i could have but i just lazed around and played with photoshop for awhile. i think i'll have a new layout tonite which will be fun. I've been stressed out about talisman and french, now french is over and i've almost finished the layout for a&e this issue (with it's 2 articles because kate nicely went on a ROAD TRIP and didn't tell me. thanks kate). it's so close to summer i can taste it, and sigh sigh sigh it's still hella far away. i'm crying. nothing else is really going on in my life, I haven't been illin it with people, i've been signing yearbooks. and boy isn't that fun! nothing brings me more joy. Well.... yeah a lot of other things bring me more joy. But it is entertaining, nonetheless. TTFN Monday, June 5, 2000 09:51 a.m. Ok, I have 5 minutes again. I always wait until the very end of class to write a pitas entry. It is, of course, when I should be doing dailies that I'm a month behind in, but you know what? Fuck that. I love it how I say fuck on this page and bess doesn't block it. Heh heh heh... I lost my train of thought. I have sooooo much work to do this week. It's deadline, I have to do my report in french, I might just go insane. That's quite alright however because it's all almost over. Speaking of which, vitamin C must DIE because her stupid song has been stuck in my head ALL Morning. GRR. Sunday, June 4, 2000 10:04 p.m. sigh. weird thoughts go through my head late at night, or even not late at night. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel really fucked up. I wish I could pinpoint it down to one thing or things, so it didn't feel like a sea of confusion. But I can't. I don't. Maybe it's because I'm worried about Andreas, worried too much, as always. I worry too much about people always, you know. That's my problem. My mom-like qualities. Because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to act like I don't give a shit when i do a lot. But I will, because that's what he wants. I'll try my best. It may not work however. It's the last week for the majority of my friends. I don't know what I'm going to do next year. I know it will be such shit. To think I didn't know all these people 4 months ago. Sigh. Cezanne sucks a fat one. I don't want to do any more work on that project. at all. bleargh. Sunday, June 4, 2000 03:45 a.m. Ok, yesterday.... I went to school, got my kickass yearbook, gave scott a ride to work via anna's car. We went back to anna's house and met up with laura, then drove downtown, dropped graham off, searched for parking. We found some. Went to tully's, dissapointingly did not get free coffee but it was ok. visited graham at work and I almost got him fired (i try). LaShonda bought a bunch of clothes and we had to drag her out of the store. We went back home, and then I got in my car to go pick up scott, but first I read andreas' pitas entry, and got upset about that (oh wait no I have no opinion on that). Picked up scott, and we headed over to michael's house. He was not home, we were purturbed. But not enough to go on a man hunt. We went to spots, and a familar noir-cladded youth smiled from behind the book he was devouring. "I've been expecting you." Sadly, however, he had been there for 3+ hours, and had had twice that much coffee (6 shots). So got coffee (breve, baby!), and talked, then decided to go get a movie and ill it with a pizza and yeah. So we attempted to get money at michael's and that didn't work so we went to the QFC atm. Woohoo. We got the insider which is an AWESOME movie. Interesting however on an anne's insane political theorist crackheaded mind. And I couldn't talk about it afterwards because i had to race home to get to bed early. I woke up around 7:30 am and went to the test where I wrote this: "Dear God shoot me now. I feel awash with pity for anyone who attended Roosevelt in their lifetime. One shitty ass dance freshman year was enough for me. And being in this room this early in the morning is making me want to vomit. These two girls are yaking about prom and boys and it's a very, 'OH please' moment for me. That would be actually kind of fun if I threw up. I wonder what the college board would do. FUCK YOU RICH WHITE KIDS AND YOUR FUCKING CREW TEAMS AND CRYING ABOUT HOW YOU GOT A RIP IN YOUR DAMN DRESS. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING IN WARS OR STARVING TO DEATH RIGHT NOW? I DON'T. I CAN'T COUNT THAT HIGH. FUCK YOU. Love you! This test is never going to start. Don't be nervous, don't be afraid, I have my miracle water. They keep saying everyone they know is here. I feel sorry for them if this is who they know. Open your eyes just a leeeeetle bit. But that won't happen. Oh no." Then scott paged me during the math test. then I went home, and left again, picked people up, drove around, drove to iqu. 3 hours early. It was good tho. It was worthwhile, actually I would say. I had a really good time. Then we went to spots, to peter's house, to ingraham, to salmon bay, to scott's house, to my house, to Greenwood market, to Brandon's house, to watch a fucking hilarious movie and have general good times. Then we stayed til 2, and then scott took me home where I talked to people online until 20 mins ago. :). I think that's it. Friday, June 2, 2000 11:13 p.m. I'm just eating a banana. Friday, June 2, 2000 09:53 a.m. ITS FAR TOO GORGEOUS TO BE IN SCHOOL. ITS FAR TOO GORGEOUS. I have a crapass shift key that sticks and drives me nuts. I have nothing pround to say, except Ben has new faves and I'm excited by them. I din't know PJ Harvey had a movie. Learn something new every day. I don't want to take the SATS. at all. Blargh. Life sucks. then you die. Thursday, June 1, 2000 10:43 p.m. I never cry. I want to sometimes. Sometimes I want to go bawl in a corner. But I don't. It's like the tears wont come. You know what's the best feeling ever? flannel pyjamas on smooth legs, it feels so nice. I was craving being in my pjs at the awards ceremony. The infamous ceremony. I shouldn't have gone. I felt really out of place there. Because I do have to remember that I am a junior and therefore no I cannot be on stage... and there are also seniors that I do not like or intimidate me. That and i went with my parents, which made things worse. I don't know. really. other than that I went to school, and um... yeah school is school. Woohoo. I feel really bad right now. ugh. it's not so fun to be me on occasion. Maybe it's coffee depravation. I didn't have any today. I don't think so tho. Arg. Oh well. I'm smiling. Everything's coming up daisies. Obviously. undefined, undefined NaN, NaN 11:23 p.m. Well now I'm all tired. After that whole little life is sad with no DC party tangent from my last entry, I spent over 4 hours with 4 different boys. Hmm... So anyway my mom is standing here making me nervous. Parents do that. It's annoying as hell. Ok, so first of all I asked brandon if he wanted a slurpee before he went to work, and he said, "sha!" So I went and got him and watched him play bass (niiice, except I felt oddly out of place). Then he got his stuff for work, we went to 7-eleven, I told him he couldn't buy a hot dog and eat it in my car, he bought dorritos, and we left. Oh yeah I sang Ben lee. ("why don't they understand/I don't like blue/it's less about your problems/and more about your hue/in the 7-eleven of my sou-ohohl/you're my red slurpee") We went to salmon bay and talked about swinging and I guess it really is a trend now, I mean, I thought people only went with me but lots of people go and that makes me happy. We talked about lots of stuff, and generally basked in the attempt at sunshine Seattle gave to us and shot the breeze, which hadn't happened for awhile. We drove by scott's house and waved, and then drove around randomly until 5, when I took brandon to work. He gave me the rest of his 3D chips, which I mostly ate (some I gave to my parents). I came home, and got online, and I told Michael I was thinking of stopping by his house. He said, "well let's go get coffee then!" and I said, "umm...ok..." and I jumped in my car and drove over to Michael's. We vroomed over to spots, had some whole milk vanilla lattes ("the BEST LATTES YOU WILL EVER HAVE"-- hugging barista-- they weren't my breves, but they'll do.), and we arranged the chess board and talked about how I can find out strange things about people, then quickly left cos I had to get home so mom could go to a meeting. Then I ate a sweet pickle (i really only like dills in sandwiches), talked to my dad a bit, and went to get on irc. This time Scott was bored, and I needed to do cezanne research, and so what did that equal? oh a trip to the library to get books. It was a ballardcore trip because andreas showed up on irc just in time to go. We went to spots afterwards so I saw hugging barista again, and got an iced mocha that time. Hmm... I need to stop with the coffeeness or I will surely die. I swear. The only calories I had today were liquid sugar. Then I came home, watched Law & Order, got online, and took 40 minutes to write my 4th pitas entry today. Sad. arg. sleeeeeeep.... Wednesday, May 31, 2000 02:57 p.m. By the way, kevin is really cool and I'm sad i haven't talked to him in a while, and I want to so I'm praising him on my pitas page in exchange for some anne-props on his page. Good times, eh? I like messing with his head when it comes to hive fives. And he bought me a cool pen with a frog when we was in Peurto Rico. And he always asks me how I am, and by the end of the day I'm so entertained by how often he asks me, I'm usually pretty well. Right now I feel somewhat sick, however. I want to take a nap I think. I want to do something today! without the DC party i feel strangely antisocial. That and no one is online... I'll deal. Maybe... Wednesday, May 31, 2000 09:45 a.m. I have ten minutes... so hey. How's it going? Having Netscape and not using it in class is just sacreligeous and wow can I not spell. Anywho. I need to buy myself some god smelling lotion. I'm really sick of the way Vaseline makes me smell terrible. I want some nice apple lotion or vanilla or lavender... yummy... anyway. That's enough of that. Mr. Walker had never heard of Savage Garden. It's entertaining to hear him say it. But he's more about to like the dixie chicks. I just need to find a phone book. Hmm... I don't really. aclu is coming to school today. I'm excited. I like to scare andreas by giving him madonna's erotica. It's cos it has rain on it, and i heard somewhere that it was his favorite madonna song. So whatever. I'm so glad I don't have math. Tuesday, May 30, 2000 11:33 p.m. since my regret is mounting with every breath, I need to add a disclaimer. And that is, this is all stuff that I think yes, but I don't want to deal with it no. no no no no no. ok? ok. (take everything with a grain of salt.) just be honest, anne, it will be ok. Tuesday, May 30, 2000 11:22 p.m. gulp. here we go. I feel very very ugly. I feel that I am not good enough. I feel that life is a competition and all I want is a hug and maybe more but only in due time and I want to feel special and that I matter. I wante to feel like I am apreciated. But there are so many people in the world that deserve everything I have already. I am where I am in a rich family with a ton of friends. But I don't know... I feel young and I want to be a kid and live it up and I don't right now. (even though I know I do). I want to have responsibilities without the responsibilities. I want my snugglebunny action. I might as well admit it now since it seems to be the flipping trend. But you also understand that I never ever talk about these things. It's because I'm friends with all guys, and if *that* doesn't make for uncomfortable situations... oy. I really feel uncomfortable already. And I haven't even hit "done" yet... I'm not really. Crap. This is all Madonna's fault. Tuesday, May 30, 2000 08:15 p.m. yeah. I have to start working on my french project now, but I just wanted to let everyone know my page had not gone to hell and I did archive it. Rosie made me the best b52 breve today (I had never had an actual breve before, but that's besides the point), and I had to wait 45 minutes for it but it was ok. Laura sat on Graham's lap and it was *highly* entertaining. Nothing happened at school really, same old same old. I made a gorgeous new pitas layout. You like? You better. I was going to add something I wrote in my journal today, but I'm just going to be a tease and a chicken and *not* put it here. I just don't want to hear about myself in odd third person scenarios in days at school... it's not even that big of a deal but since it's stuff I never talk about I feel weird. I'm not being completely honest but this is as honest as I can be without a nervous breakdown. Somewhat. Or something. |
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By the way. Everything I write here is slander. Possibly none of it is true, because as I am trying to be honest, I may not honestly know what's up. The writing on this page is from a thing that goes ba-boom inside my chest, and nowhere else. Don't form your opinions of people here, that's stupid. This page wasn't meant for that. It was meant to keep me sane. It didn't work out tho. These are my daily hits:
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