@nne

Looksee. It's anne. She made a website. Then people got mad because it was too, erhm, public I guess. I don't see where they could have fathomed that idea. But if you're here right now it is because you are a *trusted* friend, and if you somehow managed to crack my code without asking permission then i probably HATE YOU, so go away please. Everyone else is welcome to enjoy. By the way. Everything I write here is slander. Possibly none of it is true, because as I am trying to be honest, I may not honestly know what's up. The writing on this page is from a thing that goes ba-boom inside my chest, and nowhere else. Don't form your opinions of people here, that's stupid. This page wasn't meant for that. It was meant to keep me sane. It didn't work out tho. These are my daily hits: Pitas.com my real website ericka's pitas site Dandy Andy's Web Page brando's palace of crap stop starvation my archives

lalala Saturday, March 11, 2000 11:16 p.m. prodigy. subaru outback:red. ground zero. freeway. old friends. Night. Broadway. chocolate. Those are some things that I think about when I hear smack my bitch up. It's on the radio right now. My apologies. I didn't do much today. Slept, ate, watched rocky horror picture show and a bunch of other tv that wasn't nearly as good, and wrote letters. I didn't do anything with any of my friends, unfortunately. Oh well. Maybe a break is good? When we drove to the airport to pick up dad, I kept on thinking. there's nothing like a trip to nowhere in someone's car. It's fun. YOu can look at the stars or the lights of the city and just think and be happy. ALl my other friends don't drive or have curfews or are busy or somesuch. I just wonder. I dunno. I can't express myself very well. I'm just tired. I feel tired all the time. Nothin much else to say really. The weekend has not been all that gloriously eventful. Maybe tomorrow? Oh homework day, yes, that will be quite exciting. Thursday, March 9, 2000 11:47 p.m. Sometimes life can only be made better by going to a playground. Heidi took me to one tonight between engagements. We talked and it was really nice. The stars were out as well as a cheshire grin moon, and we watched it, and I kept thinking that if I kept looking up and swinging higher and higher I might just fall in it. Today was a long day of doing nothing. I have to stop doing that. I need to buy some tape. I need to write letters. I need to order another copy of When Swinging Net to You. (obviously). It's so theraputic. I'd almost say I like it better than cheesecake. Wow. That's kind of scary. But I don't think I do-- not yet. I feel like i've been really quiet lately. I haven't been thinking much. Maybe I've been avoiding it. I haven't any ager or fear at the moment, just this great numbness in my stomach. Kinda achey but not really. The sad tummy. It's ok tummy, I say, and watch endles hours of bad tv to amuse myself. It's not easy tho. It'd be easier to just.... I don't know what. Nothing. Go swinging and look at the stars. That's all. Wednesday, March 8, 2000 11:12 p.m. It's just so flipping quiet now. Oh shoot I forgot to call Rachel. Rachel, I'm sorry, we were tutoring today, I forgot to tell you. I've been real scatterbrained lately. You know why. I'm tired. I'm sad. I get all sick feeling in 5th period every day now. I'm glad tomorrow's the last day of the week for me. I have to do some yuckie bellevue photography junk but at least I don't have to go to school anymore. Yay. I want it to be next year now. I mean I shouldn't because you should never wish for the future, it comes soon enough as it is, but I just... am not liking things right now. It's stupid to feel this way and I always say that, which tends to just make me feel worse. I'll be pretending I don't feel sick now. I did my homework, but I didn't understand the chemistry. The big-famous women's alliance says that science and math are subjects that are still considered "taboo" for women, and I want to blame that and say "yeah, fuck the system," but I think it's just me. I don't get it, I didn't read the chapter yet, so I can't say it's not my fault. I just know that I did french and 2 days worth of typing assignments, and I did some back work in chemistry. I also watched Dateline (it was about Richard from Columbine--I had to watch it. It made me cry. Richard kicks ass by the way and he's my hero.) and the West Wing (good, ok, good) and Law & Order even though it was a repeat. I've been needing to vege these days. I went to the park and played on the swings with Graham this afternoon and we brought up everyone's favorite topic of choice--drugs. That's great. We decided that we agreed that many "soft" drugs (if there are "soft" drugs) should be legalized not to encourage the use of drugs, but to encourage education about drugs and to make sure kids wanting to experiment can know if what they are getting is a safe dosage, etc. I mean it only makes sense. Kids are going to do what they are going to do. I sat through the DARE program at my school and how many people listened? Two? Oh wait no just me. So many things have been on my mind lately. It's not stress--it's sadness. I'm fatigued by it. I promised myself last year I wouldn't do this to myself again. But I did. That was dumb of me. But I honestly didn't know. Honestly. That's what I'm trying to be. And I wish a few other people were too. Tuesday, March 7, 2000 10:23 p.m. Sigh. I watch Breakfast at Tiffany's too much. I mean I watched it today with Kimmy and Laura, and it was great, except I know every word. They know I'm a nerd now. Darn tootin. But Lula Mae (Holly, poor nameless slob) is right. It's sillie of me to try to love wild things. I should really really stop. It just makes them stronger. Sigh. Trying. Not working. It's ok tho. I'll just listen to ben now. I was right yesterday: I went down in flames in chemistry today. I'm going down in flames in a lot of classes lately it seems like. I just can't pay attention and pretend like I care about what I'm doing in class anymore. I really have the feelings, the i-don't-need-this-or-want-this feelings. Which sucks. I kinda think they should switch off high school when you're 15-17 so you can just go and not learn anything except hwo to interact with other people. Cos I haven't figured that one out yet. I had coffee today. I had chicken for dinner. You see how much I'm caring right now? My mind's on lots of other things, but I don't know how to write them down. I've said them already or they don't need to be said. They're just in my head. A lot. I'll be ok in a while. Maybe it's just stress. ha. want to learn more about the guy in the pichture? Monday, March 6, 2000 10:48 p.m. Hi. Today was one of those days I guess. I'm preparing to fail a chem test tomorrow by doing half of the "objectives worksheet" and listening to benny boy and imming lots of people. (my AIM is Pinkmarble, talk to me! Even tho you all already know it...) Sigh. I did not have the best day honestly. In fact, I had a pretty bad one. It sucks how after i've gone through all this crap, I still feel like it's my fault. And this time (finally) I really can not see how it is. It still hurts tho. Yeah I feel fine when people don't talk to me. It's only kharma. I did this to people. But it SUCKS. A lot. I went to school and did the direct writing assesment, a dumb essay that we have to write for no particular reason. And then I found out I was getting a c in microaps which is practiacally impossible. Then chemistry. Fortunately awkward silence was stubbed a little. But not much. Damnit. Then we had an AWESOME discussion in 4th (as always) and 5th period I didn't do my articles and semi-studied for the french test in 6th period that i may have done semi-well on. Who knows? I'll find out soon enough. Too soon. and then laura and i scrounged for coffee money and had some. Lauren and anna came over and "studied" which involved talking about rachels new haircut. Whoops. Then Lauren stayed for dinner. I hope lauren licked it, and then I came home. Watched bad tv, did history (I HATE AMERICA!!!) watched more tv, talked to rachel about hair (this is life and death guys), did chemistry, and got online. Now it's 11:30 and I'm nowhere near going to bed. Oh dear. Ben Lee is amazing. "and I don't care if you're confused please hold my hand...Don't want to hear about your girl I've got my friend... Take your quotation marks away i've got my pride i've got my pride..." "every boy in the world writes a song for a girl for every girl in the world" lunch Sunday, March 5, 2000 06:49 p.m. I'm basically praying that this will work. Sucks When you're trying to give your site a makeover and you forget how. Anyway, for those of you who missed my entry yesterday, simply click on the archives link to your left. Ok? Because everyone should see keegan's website. Laura and I laughed for close to an hour over it. I slept until 2 today. Got up. Made myself a glass of chocolate milk. I used a packet of nesquik i got in france last year, and it was good (gasp!) Then I got online (cos I'm a freak) and invited laura to lunch and the library cafe was closed when we got there so we went to denny's instead. :) Then we came back, looked at keegan's site, and laughed. We ate some ice cream. She went home. I started working on my website. That's my day. Pure and simple. Sigh.