I watched Enemy of the State tonight, and I enjoyed it, dispite the numerous interruptions. You'd think that at a place filled with film geeks, they'd be at least be respectful of the viewing of a film. But maybe there's more geek than there is film in many of them, I don't know yet...

Repeatedly Moses & I were scoffed for watching this movie, and I ended up justifying it (sort of) by exclaiming, "I've never seen it!" and everyone (kind of) backed off. After the movie, though, I realized that I didn't feel like I wasted 2 and a half hours of my life on that piece of crap, and that the film was actually quite enjoyable, despite all these people coming around telling me to see the Conversation, because, well, if you went to Emerson you'd know why before you thought about watching Enemy of the State.

So me & Mo had a long conversation about people's taste in film and, really, about their self-conscience over films, and about popularity, and how everyone here is concerned not just about liking movies, but liking certain movies, and insulting others. No action movie can be a "good" movie because it's in the wrong genre. To me, this doesn't make any sense. Any movie can be good as long as it has good writing, composition, and excecution. The film's type, box office ratings, market strategies, budget, and target audience are not what interest me in a film. The FILM interests me. And I don't hide my opinion of a film in the editing, sequencing, or cinematography. Honestly, if a film is really bad you don't pay attention to any of those things enough to use those arguments reliably.

And this is why you don't readily see musically geeky girls.

And this is why you don't readily see musically geeky girls.

The yuppies come out in the morning.

That just-after-dawn and Yes I Did Have That Foldger's look in their eye, they're out frolicing around, well, 7:20 in the morning.

They're sending their little children to little yuppy school, all being put on to the same yuppy bus where the yuppy driver talks to the yuppy parents.

They walk their dogs and "stop" at Starbucks, but forget about their pooch and sit down to read the Globe before moving on.

Super Bust a Move for PS2 is evil and should not be played.

I just went to the world's longest floor meeting, I swear. We were there for an hour and a half.

Now I can't decide if I want to start an essay, or if there's something that I forgot to do. I can't decide.

What really made me break down into tears was seeing "Fuck you, Osama" written on one of our historical monuments in the Public Garden (read: my front yard, which I dearly love). How is writing that there helping anything? The only thing that's done is show just how far american morals have come in this day & age. And I don't mean family values morals, I mean, when something like this hasn't happened people write scribbles on walls and put drawings in alleys. Those people are criticized and arrested, even. But when such a blatant and offense act of vandalism occurs now, most people don't even blink.

Last night was a bad night. I had a huge problem with my floor that stemmed mainly from my room mate. The problem was so infinitely insignificant that it's not worth mentioning here. The point is, I melted down and wanted to hide, but I didn't feel safe anywhere in my dorm.

The importance of the internet in my life astounds me. But I feel the way I am most comfortable communicating is through online communication. So when I don't have a computer to call my own or a place that gives me that opportunity, I feel very ostracized. I'm definitely missing something if I don't have the opportunity to be online.

Most people don't work that way, but I do. So not having a computer to call my own or work with comfortably whever I want is a real struggle. People can laugh and say they're sick of me talking about it, but without this I feel like I am not comfortable at all.

It's hard for me to convey how upset I am that the US Government literally stole my computer from me, and that now, when I need communication with others more than anything, I have nothing. People that I talk to sympathisize but can't comprehend how I truly feel about it.

I spent some of the night reading the Special Editions of Time and Newsweek I bought yesterday. Not only am I horrified and upset simply by what they did cover, I was more upset as to what they didn't cover. Not once, from cover to cover of both of those magazines, did any reporter stop to ask why this had happened. And it horrified me and made me more upset than I had been since Tuesday.

Right now, where I am with a very small number of people to talk to about such a serious issue, I feel very alone. I also feel like it is strange for me to still be incredibly upset and disturbed by what is going on in this country and around the world. Even my mother told me to stop listening to the news and continue with my daily life.

And I don't understand.

I guess the way I feel right now is guilty. I feel guilty because I am scared the way everyone is telling me not to be. Don't be afraid of the people who by their very name incites fear in all of us. Don't be worried about your friends 3,000 miles away, that you probably will have to take a plane home to see again. And that big ol' nuclear war thing? No, no... Don't be worried. We've got it all taken care of.

WHAT THE FUCK? I am scared. I am scared out of my mind. And maybe everyone else is this scared too, but I am simply afraid of starting a war that will not end, and that I am a troublemaker for feeling this way because only when I went back to the zinesters mailing list was I reminded that there were people that agreed with me. In Boston, people are riding around in trucks with huge flags, "Kill them all" written on the sides.

Maybe there are people that feel the same way but aren't speaking about it, but right now it's all I'm feeling and all I can do to avoid speaking about it. The last thing I want to do right now is ignore what's going on in the world. But am I stirring up a problem for myself? Or only becoming aware of my situation?

My parents are alive and well. They left Logan late last night or early this morning, and are in Denver now. I woke up this morning not knowing where my parents were or their well-being. My cousin that resides in NYC is presumably in Europe with his girlfriend, but I am still concerned about my aunt and unlce, who were en route to LA from Germany.

Today was awfully anxious and quiet. Boston was shut down by 12pm, 7-eleven was closed. People were subdued and quiet. The college kids almost didn't ignore what was going on.

I don't really know what to think of all this. It's terrifying. It's horrible, upsetting, and threatening. What I've learned most of all from today is how very much I am afraid of war.

I don't know who caused these acts today but I know that I am not going to jump on the bandwagon and blame a part of the world that could easily be innocent. For all we know, Bill Gates got bored and decided he could show the world what he could do with his money. It probably isn't, but it isn't necessarily the products of a Middle Eastern ("sub-human" as I heard on newsradio this afternoon) terrorist plot. Even if that is who we finally discover is to blame, or bill gates, or Peter Abrahamsen, I still wouldn't want to go to war.

War is a horrible ridiculous and painful means to an end. I don't think that any end produced by war at this time would solve any of our problems. We want justice, peace, and prosperity, and maybe we should be revaluating our values as americans before standing behind a flag and killing more innocent people which will only result in another war. Killing does not justify killing, it only promotes it and spreads and immunity to it. I will not stand up behind the flag of a country that doesn't represent me. I haven't even had a chance to vote once yet. And now I'm contemplating war, listening to people and disagree over whether or not is should be started.

All I know is that I'm scared, I'm restless, and I have no idea what will happen.

We also went to TGI Fridays last night for Adrienne's birthday. Adrienne is a girl on my floor, and she turned 20 yesterday. She wants to be Audrey Hepburn for Halloween. It was weird being around a bunch of people that got drinks at 10 oclock on a sunday night (you know, the day before classes start), and was a little too expensive for my limit, but I did ok. And I heard some funny jokes, and I ate some pesto.

Went shopping with Moses & Meghann yesterday, that was cool except for when we walked all the way down Newbury Street from BU. But I bought paper & a card for Adrienne and then we went to a little comic shop on Commonwealth & I bought Ghost World. I'm digging the self-reference.

I'm missing people here. It took me a long time to find a lot of people that I got along with, and while everyone is nice here, I feel like no one is my type. There are definitely no Emily's here, and no Laura's either. Not yet anyway. I miss Andreas & Scott a lot because niether of them have written me. Adam's CD is hella good though, and it is my musical selection of the day.

I might switch to a Diaryland site or get a blogger account in awhile. I'm tired of how shitty my pitas page looks and this is more of a diary than a weblog anyway.

I went on the Boat cruise last night and it was hella tight. This is where an appreciation of pop music comes in quite handy, because you can enjoy listening and dancing to the music the Djs play. It was good though. Yes yes. Nothing thrilling happened, it was just good clean fun.

I missed the VMA's though, I'll just have to watch mtv some time in the next 6 months. Shit.

*People smoke, a lot. Not only do they smoke, they smoke /shitty/ cigarrettes. No one has heard of American Spirits.
*my dorm room is unreasonably smaller than others. Bah.
*everyone here is a big geek, and it's great.
*there are other people from seattle here.
*the people on my floor are cool.
*my po box sucks hardcore. It's on the very bottom of the wall, in the corner, and only opens if you pray. Not being a religious person, this makes my life difficult. Oh, and there's no mail in it.

And that's my life so far. It's just uncomfortably hot, which is not too bad except for when I'm trying to sleep.

I got invited to a frat party yesterday. Moses thinks I should go.

Moses, by the way, is a mack daddy. His cluster is filled with 514 groupies that all squeal and giggle and wear their pyjamas. Wow. That's hardcore. They're all really nice girls too, even if I've spent a limited amount of time with them.

Ok, I think It's time for me to find some food. Oh wait. I would LOVE food if you sent it to me. Like, actually non perishable food that wont get rotten and isn't hard, or necessary, to cook. No, you don't understand, I would love your food. Please, I'm desperate. All I have now is a half a bag of pretzels and a snickers bar. Thank god water is free.

I also need help with finding decent speakers and some nice noise reduction headphones... because... I'm going to need to escape into anne world right away. So any hints are nice. I'm stereo-less right now. All we have is a ghetto boom box. Sir-mix-a-lot just does not sound right on that thing.

I want to play scrabble with my grandmother. I want to see apocalypse now with my father. I want to not be scared or upset. I just want to be there.

This is a hard place to be at and I feel like I'm being pressured to do things that I don't really want to do. I guess it's much of my own doing however, because I don't say no and let myself feel victimized.

And no, I still don't do drugs.

So my job is done, thank god. I am no longer working for a crack-addict boss, and that makes me happy.

My mom's birthday was last sunday, we went to my uncle's house and had dinner. I learned that there is a blockbuster in belfair. That just doesn't seem right. And Belfair is almost entirely made of plastic.

Laura left for ocean shores and I missed her a lot, so I went to see Hedwig and watched the real world and spent the night at Emily's and went to bauhaus a lot without her. That sucked hardcore. But she's back now and I hung out with her today so that was goodness.

Been packing, actually putting stuff in bags. That's a start.

I'll be gone in less than seven days.

I'm also incredibly tired. I did not get enough sleep last night. At all. But I can pretend. The crew & I drove to Bothell to check out the Beth's of Bothell & it SUCKED ASS. It's now called "skillets" and it's only open until 3pm!! So we took Emily to subway instead. How joyous.

Tonight I have to come home and clean my room. That will be my joyful sunday night.

I had a really enjoyable mel brooks pizza night last night. I hadn't remembered how amusing history of the world was. I had a moderately less enjoyable trip to B&O, and then I went for a little drive with laura, but soon came home.

I'm glad I did something. I guess I really am a city kid. I was terrified to go stargazing with the homies. They were going to north bend or some other dark place, and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. The last time I went stargazing I could stand it for about 15 minutes. There was nothing peaceful or relaxing about it.

I saw Peter again for the first time in almost 6 months tonight. He seemed all drugged up but it was just jet lag. That boy really made my summer last year incredibly enjoyable.

I also maimed myself cleaning, so I think I'm going to take a break. Until next thursday. But luckily, I'm working for all those days. Whoo.

I want Liz to write me and tell me I'm ok. I also want to know if my classes are still on hold. I want to know what emerson is talking about at some point.

I also want more time, of course. As always. I'm never properly prepared. And, since I have to work for an extra week, that's not making my life any easier.

I worked late today. I made... 2 extra dollars in tips. Woop woop.

I'm so tired after work that I never have energy to write anything more than a one-line entry.

Have I mentioned that I saw Ghost World? I liked it a lot. What else. I have two cavities. I like apples to apples. Andreas' house is cool.

I am a pink little bunny rabbit.

My friends are the people cool people are trying to find. People are trying to find ways to give us pleasure but we please ourselves far too much in our own geekiness.

I put in my notice, thank god. Still considering spontaneously leaving.

My cat just scratched me. And for once, I did nothing to deserve it.