Your attention please...

This was after Adam & I had spent two hours driving in freeway traffic because we're, um, logical? I guess?

Later, we picked up Andreas and attempted to drive where we hadn't been already (during rush hour), and ended up on Lake Washington Blvd. Are we predictable or what. Listened to Nick Drake and Yo La Tengo, observed the lights on the lake, got lost in thought, or, just got lost.

Went to Bauhaus and I got a non fat latte. Those things make me want to cry. I want my digestive system to be ok now. I want to just be ok now.

I wish I got a chance to do spring break again.

I did go to Mr. Spots and have a latte.

Your tax dollars at work, folks. I hobbled from class to class, doing nothing in both. We're doing "research" on supreme court cases in American Government, but no one actually does anything. I read Newsweek.

Since I can't move all that well and am doing a lot better than I did last week, I didn't get a chance to take any photos over spring break. I wanted to take at least 2 rolls, but alas. Maybe I can take one this week sometime. Anyway, I sat around talking to Meghan about the trip she took to New York with the senior class, furthuring my love for this class. There is no way in hell I will go to senior spree. Thank you. The end.

In third period though, we had "family therapy" we did little sketches based on the characters from Hamlet, and unfortunately our group ended up being the funniest.

Geraldine was confused about why her son, jeb, hadn't married his fiance Kandi after many years of them living together in their single-wide. So she took it to Jerry Springer. Although Jeb didn't seem concerned or interested in putting in more hours to at least purchase a double-wide, he was concerned that Severed-Arm Jim (played by the head cheerleader at ballard) the crazy uncle, was up to some meddling. Then to the audience's shagrin they discover the truth--that Kandi was impregnated with Severed-Arm Jim's child!! Shock!!

I was in so much pain from laughing that I could barely walk. It was bad.

So after third period, I took a rest in Ms. Reeder's room and then I walked upstairs and talked to Ms. Pagels, who was absolutely fascinated because I had my gallbladder taken out. She went off on a tangent about evolution and whatnot (I couldn't understand her real clearly because I was tired & in pain, and she had larigintis and sounded like a goose), and I promised her I would bring in the book they gave me all about my gallbladder. She said she would be happy to see it.

Driving home hurt really bad. My dad kept saying, "you're not screaming though." Do you know how bad it would have hurt to scream?

By the time we got home it was pouring down rain and I had to pee. So I had to walk all the way up the stairs in little hospital slippers and all the way to my bathroom, and then change my pants when I got to the bathroom (my emerson pants had dragged on the ground in the water). That was exciting, if not the most horribly painful thing I've ever done in my entire life.

Then I went back out to the living room and went to sleep.

Around 7:00, I woke up, ate some applesauce and had some more medicine, then I started making the rounds. I called back everybody that had called me, and then I called Laura S. and someone else, I don't remember who. Pretty soon I got some company. Scott came over, and then adam came and brought me a present (abbey road-very nice.) Then Emily, Keren, and Michael came and adam and michael left but adam came back later. Emily and Keren left after Keren nearly killed me by making me giggle for quite a long time, and every time I said "stop!" in a pathetic Anne-is-dying voice it just made her laugh more. Adam & Scott left right before I fell asleep, and scott gave me another cd at that point.

I mostly slept yesterday. Mormor came down to take care of me while my parents went to work. She made a cutout bunny rabit for me while I was sleeping, and we had lunch together. I had a little bowl of tomato soup.

Around 6 o clock I got really bored. I'm too drugged out to really read when I'm on percoset, so I wanted company but I didn't know who to call. So if you want to stop by, please do. I'm lonely and there's not much I can do. My pager number is 540-8673. But I'm not all that entertaining.

In that I'm going into surgery tomorrow morning at 5:30 AM.

Yes, it's true. It all started on tuesday night at about 11 pm, when I was eating a salad with Tyler at Cafe Minnie's. I felt, well, rather full. Full as in I had just eaten a thanksgiving dinner for four and was probably going to explode. So, I politely asked if I could go home, and I didn't get home til about 12:40 or so.

Figuring I had just about the world's worst cramps, I went to take some ibuprofen (fixer of everything), and tried to go to bed.

Ow. I was in some pretty severe pain. I went to try sleeping on the couch in the rec room, then tried walking, standing, burping, farting, rolling, screaming, etc. And it wasn't helping. I thought I was a weakling. I got up my dad to ask where the antiacid was, and at that point it was getting quite difficult to walk.

My dad told me to go back to bed, but my mom had gotten up and was concerned. I think she gets concerned because her father died of a stomach illness. Anyway, she called the consulting nurse and since I don't drink, smoke, or have sex, there was nothing he could tell me (besides, "good"), so he told me to hop on the next train to Virginia Mason. That was at 4AM. I got admitted at 04:32 hours this morning.

I got medicine and an IV, and a whole buncha blood drawn. They still didn't know what it was, so Darnell took me down to ultrasound to get looked at. They gave me some morphine before that, which kinda made me sleepy. Then they told me (yay!) I have gallstones. But I'm not the youngest person ever.

So my doctor got all excited cos I was a rare case, and then the REALLY NICE nurse gave me demorrol and some IV painkiller that made it all... go... away... like, it's 12:26 am, she gave them to me at about 10, and there's only some mild pain right now. Nice.

Then I got scheduled to meet with Mr. Surgeon (Dr. Olsen, as it were), drove up to group health, and got the lowdown on how they cut me open and whatnot. It was exciting. Since I had been givin narcotics and the room was a bit fuzzy, they made dad sign the consent form too. Hmm.

I hope I don't die tomorrow, but I'm really not overtly concerned. It's just a little surgery. Vacation, eh? God, I was supposed to do homework, auugh.

I'll be at the hospital most of the day tomorrow (my surgery is at 5:30 AM--eesh), so you can page me when I'm there and if I'm not all drugged out I'll talk, and depending on wether or not I get fancy laproscopic surgery or the old fashioned kind I'll either be out within 24 hours or 6 days. I'm hoping I'll get little surery and will be home sooner. I like the living room couch, and haven't been spending nearly enough time there.

I'm tired, I should go read Contact and go to bed. I've just been wasting my time on the internet for a few hours. And spending time in Photoshop, let's not forget. Ah well.

I went to Mormor's today and unlike my parents would make it my grandma was happy for me and understood I am busy and it wasn't that I didn't love her or any other bullshit reason I didn't call her this week. God, sometimes my parents bother me so much. They guilt trip me about everything, which is hardly fair because for the most part I am a Good Person. Bleegh.

I have not been getting along with a large number of my friends lately, and I can't really be sure why. I haven't been able to do the group thing lately at all. I can handle one or two people, but that's it. And I am getting tired earlier too. Hmm. Maybe I'm just not drinking enough coffee.

Today, after school (now that it was spring break--thank god), I left the building promtly to look for Laura who I assumed would wait for me before going wherever cos that's what she does on occasion. Since it was Friday before break she would be doing that today. So I thought I found her car, but then they drove away and I noticed it wasn't her. So I went back to the school and used Emily's cell phone (while she invited NUMEROUS people to her keg around me, not even pretending to invite me, not that I would go, blahalahala...) to call her. When she answered I asked really rudely where she was and she responded that she was driving down 15th. I commented that we should work something out so I would know that she wouldn't be giving me rides on some days. STUPID! God, I'm a bitch! AAARRGH! I don't mean to say things like that!

She was driving to The Hurricane with Tyler. They had left 6th period early to go. Apparently, they had no intention of inviting me, even once I called Laura. It IS the Friday after break, what was I going to be doing that would prevent me from going home right after school? Yes, I'll be staying and working on the next issue of the paper today after school.

I think it was the principle of the whole thing. Those are my two closest friends at school, and even then they don't always want me around. I understand that they are busy or have friends or expect me to not want to do anything, but I still would appreciate an invitation. But would I invite them to do everything with them? No, but something like going to the hurricane after school is something I'd like to do.

By the time I had finished this conversation, which was not all that long, everyone had gotten into their cars and waved at me as I walked home.

And now, don't I feel like hanging out?

Why does a stupid thing like this bother me so much?

I went out to dinner at Zeek's after, drove the the beach, and went to Bauhaus. The real life is that. That is what keeps me alive. Sigh. I wish school felt useful.

I've been so busy lately I can't update my whole life. I had some really bad times last week, I had some better times this week, I'm very mixed up right now and INCREDIBLY behind in school. It's sad. But if I can make it to the end of the quarter (friday) I should be fine.

I've been going to school and doing promotions for the JSA conference next week. Since I lost all enthusiasm for volunteering my ass off when I got sick, I fell behind and couldn't catch up. I am also aware of how very apathetic I feel about this. A month ago, two weeks ago, if something like this had happened I would have been on the phone every day to make up for it, calling everyone and being "perky anne" the anne that only lucky recievers of my telemarketing ohone calls ever reciece. That and those who see me after 8 shots of eszpresso at a park on an especially good night. Instead, I have chosen to get a particularly good book, sit down and read it.

I made all the phone calls I should have, I got mad at people and excited with others. I realized that the futile work I do for an ungreatful organization is... futile. So I should maybe work on putting myself first again.

If only I could have waited a week to do this, I wouldn't feel so damn bad.

What else. Watched contact with scott & saw Victor read on Tuesday. It was really exciting to go to the Scratching Post. I felt struck by greatness (like one always is) to see Victor read. I know he's going places.

I've been working on making up a lot of photography credit this weekend. I'm only 3 weeks behind, but that adds up. I am going to be working on my Robert Cappa essay this weekend too. Maybe I'll get it done early; I hope so. I want my grade to... IMPROVE in that class. Because it's the most relevant personal class I have right now.

Talisman is pissing me off for the same reason as JSA except that it's become a lot more demanding of the managing editors now that we've gone digital. It doesn't /sound/ like that big of a deal, all we have to do now is scan the photos. But we now have to scale them (like we always did--which means editors still have to tell me & emily what their desired dementions are), size them, crop them, save them to the correct directory, etc. In other words: just because we have a scanner doesn't mean I can sit after school on a friday for two hours scanning photos that were due on wednesday, waiting for the photographers to run in with more. NO. No one is listening to me anymore. I sympathsize with any teacher trying to get anything useful done right now.

I watched Titus last night. That is simply a bizzare movie.

I think I'm going to sleep now. Or, reading and watching Breakfast at Tiffany's or something.

I'm handling this "living on my own" thing astoundingly well, I think. Heh. I'm a whole 15 minutes from my house. But it's exciting. All these rooms to call mine. I don't know how sharing will go for me in the future.

I'm going to be doing some night photography at this house with a cityscape view. It's exciting.

I'll probably be able to get online again, but just in case I can't: weekend good. Communicated un-electronically. We can do that!! Oh wait, no...

At the same time, there are these people around me. I feel bad saying I did nothing today because I spent the day with mle and I don't want to hurt her feelings because it's not her fault. I can't say anything mean or bad about anyone. I'm not mad at anyone. Sure I talk about people behind their back but it's just me and that's what I do it doesn't mean anything.

I haven't been serious or emotional other than apathetic to the point of tears. I broke down today in front of yanni's when they were closed. My dad is sure I'm dealing with some inter-personal trauma that I can't handle alone and need his help with. No one is hurting my feelings. No one is doing anything. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know what it fucking is, it could be anything. But my dad doesn't believe me when he asks me, "did someone hurt you?" and I say, "no." and he says, "Then what's wrong?" and I reply I don't know. Maybe he thinks I was raped or robbed or extorted or something and am afraid to tell him. I wasn't.

Nothing is making me happy right now. I don't know what will and I don't know if things will again.

I am just sleeping a lot. Maybe that's a bad thing. But I think I'm going to go do it now.

We had our show, now it's done. I went to Red Robin with Heidi, Brandon and Haley afterwards. That was exciting. Then I came home cos I was sleepy. I had a half-hope I would rustle someone into watching Contact with me, but I really don't have the energy to even get into my car. So, I think I should really go to bed instead of falling asleep during a well made movie. Speaking of which, I really need to update my movie shabangiedeal.

Yeah. Right.

But I'll be sleeping now. Heh!

I left for a larger portion of the evening and spent the time at The Hurricane Cafe, which I've learned will probably not be one of my favorite establishments unless their mashed potatoes are the shit. and whatnot. Tyler & I met up with Rob & Laura and spent some time chatting, or chafing, depending on whose side you're on. Then Tyler went home and Laura took Rob home and took me back to the party, where I debated going in. She also told me about the house party she went to, and getting to feel elite because she got in and multiple Ballard kids did not.

I went in, was persued, was given lots of wholesome advice, saw Scott drunk for the first time, felt bad for mindy, sat outside for a bit, and eventually drove two people home. From what I hear, the party went up a little more but died down quickly after that. So I didn't miss much by going home. It was already 3 by then, and I did have to get up at some point today.

FRIGID