I suppose I have to describe my scale here. The way I do this is: anything above a 4 I would pay money to see again. 10 is the most astounding, life altering, history re-writing movie I've ever seen. Make sense? ok.
My birthdy is over, but I'll leave up this hint-hint site . Cos, you can tell what a person likes by their music. Let me tell you. :) And I bought David Gray, I just don't feel like rewriting the html for one cd. yeah dawg.
Saturday, January 27, 2001 12:12 a.m.
song of the night: Darude "the storm"
bye!
Thursday, January 25, 2001 11:24 p.m.
Most of the time
I'm clear focused all around,
Most of the time
I can keep both feet on the ground,
I can follow the path, I can read the signs,
Stay right with it, when the road unwinds,
I can handle whatever I stumble upon,
I don't even notice she's gone,
Most of the time.
Most of the time
It's well understood,
Most of the time
I wouldn't change it if I could,
I can't make it all match up, I can hold my own,
I can deal with the situation right down to the bone,
I can survive, I can endure
And I don't even think about her
Most of the time.
Most of the time
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine
Most of the time.
Most of the time
She ain't even in my mind,
I wouldn't know her if I saw her
She's that far behind.
Most of the time
I can't even be sure
If she was ever with me
Or if I was with her.
Most of the time
I'm halfway content,
Most of the time
I know exactly where I went,
I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide,
Hide from the feelings, that are buried inside,
I don't compromised and I don't pretend,
I don't even care if I ever see her again
Most of the time.
Bob, Most of the Time
Today was silly. I got up around 9:20 and got to school about 20 min later. 5 people were in the computer lab at school. MY second period lab. I understand that it's deadline but it still kind of pissed me off. So I did work. And work. and Work. But not really. We went to the asteroid cafe and were late to 5th period after lunch. Whoops. I didn't really care, neither did anyone else. I got kinda grumpy, as I always do on deadline when people are fucking around in my proximity. (ie, if you're not doing anything while I was working my ass off, I will bitch you out if you make the smallest comment. Look out).
I came home and had to leave right away to get senior portraits all picked out. That was a mess, but in 6 weeks people will have pictures of me. Ha.
THEN. Since laura was with me we went to Spots and stayed there for a long time. She did her german homework, I drew on the stranger. I searched for crack on the internet.
I came home and immediately after tyler paged me. We went to uncommon grounds and Bauhaus. We drove through the arboretum. We drove semi-aimlessly in ballard listening to cypris hill and techno. Yum. We listened to vast and David Gray too. Oh boy. I had a really good night. I have coffee IN ME. But I need to sleep. very soon. LA final tomorrow. Yay.
Thursday, January 25, 2001 12:33 a.m.
Night time. I had some finals today... ha ha. I mean, I went to class for long amounts of time today. I went to AGE and did um, nothing, followed by the carreer center where I worked on my Emerson Application. I went to drama practice where we did very little, and then I came home.
Whew, what a day. I mean, I was all worn out by the end of the day. Anne wishes she had block scheduling. But she doesn’t. Boo hoo.
I came home, lazed around, slept a bit, made some phone calls, did some work on my application. I ate a dinner that was remotely palatable with lots of feta cheese. I smoked some crack for awhile and then heidi reminded me that I would go out for chocolate mousse with her today, so I told her to pick be up around 9, which she did, and we went out. It was really fun. We talked and whatnot, which seems so boring, but to me it’s way more fun than what people call “partying”–sitting around outside drinking beer? Oh, please, sign me up.
Oh, I talked to Sam on the phone a bit too. Apparently he had a bad day, it was quite interesting. And now I understand at some point he will cough blood on me. Isn’t that good to know?
That’s it for now cos I’m frickin tired. I’m sorry that I ditched everyone online tonight but my comp locked up and I don’t want to restart 3 programs. I still love you.
Monday, January 22, 2001 11:50 p.m.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! SCOTT UPDATED HIS PAGE!!! GO! SHOCK!
Ok, now that my heart rate has returned to normal, I will go read about john lennon. Buhbye.
Monday, January 22, 2001 11:38 p.m.
So. Now I'm a full blown adult. And do you know how I feel? Like a scared, self-concious, zit faced teenager. Fuck. I can now get paid to kill people. But I don't FEEEEEEEL any better for it.
I want to feel happy, and that's a daily struggle. Because I go to Spots to escape every day I'm losing my joy in mr. spots. Victor always makes me happy tho. He's a nice boy.
Um, I have to finish my goddamn appy for emerson but it's killing me slowly. I SHOULD finish it tomorrow.
I've lost faith in everything. I want my hope to return soon. I want to stop feeling like everyone is looking at me, to me, glaring at me, looking suspicious. I wish I didn't feel so goddamn paranoid. I wish looks did not exist. Meh.
I guess it's just one of those nights.
Monday, January 22, 2001 11:28 p.m.
I completely forgot what I was going to write about. And I have to go do work now. So buhbye.
Sunday, January 21, 2001 09:02 p.m.
See, my parents understand that my birthday is much more important to me for christmas. Not only did they fulfill every geek’s fantasy by purchasing the day for me on NPR (with the message, “Look out world, here she comes”), they also bought me Dreamweaver 4 AND the Beatles’ Anthology. Now I can continue the rest of my life inside my house listening to NPR, reading about the beatles, and designing webpages. Oh geez. I was smitten.
Anyway, other than that I have a ton of homework so I really have to go.
I also want to prove to all of you that I have friends, sort of. These are those JSA people I keep talking about: These are: Lloyd (being held up), Dave, Laura, Me, Chris (in front), George, Neil, Michael, and Jeff. This was at the end of our trip to whidbey a month ago. Good times, good times.
Sunday, January 21, 2001 03:52 a.m.
When you turn eighteen, you come to the realization that you have offically become adult. You are now responsible for all of your actions. Your parents are no longer to blame for anything. But, most importantly of all, YOU ARE NO LONGER A CHILD.
Tonight, just after midnight after searching frantically for bouncy balls to play with at the dorm, We stopped on the way to UW because huge flames were spouting from the side of Queen Anne (augh! more connections! queen anne!). We watched the fire for a good 45 minutes, and little did I know it, but I was offically watching childhood die. What better way to put it than watching an elementary school burn to the ground?
Wow. It's been a night.
Before that, I went to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I meant to see the 8 o'clock, but I got there late with andreas and scott. Unfortately, I was supposed to meet sam there, and, well, um... we missed. I felt so terrible. I still do.
Then, after the movie, when Andy, Scott & I got a burger, Andreas started making fun of me and I just started sobbing.
Word for the wise: don't start crying semi-randomly in front of guys, it makes them really uncomfortable.
Later we did go to UW (after I went inside Andreas' house... AGAIN!!), and now I'm home.
I have to go to sleep so I can get up and make an apology call. I feel like such a bitch.
Oh yeah, and I like it when people who are not gay and I'm not paying $400 tell me I'm beautiful!! That was extra nice. Yay.
Thursday, January 18, 2001 11:23 p.m.
I enjoy being told I'm beautiful. That makes me feel good. Of course, when it's from a 40-year-old gay photographer that I'm paying $400, it's a little different. But hey.
I got my senior portraits back today, and they are truly nice. I like them muchly.
Wednesday, January 17, 2001 10:57 p.m.
I'm just having a terrible time understanding the fact that I will be a responsible adult as of Monday. Especially since I had fights with friends today and all kinds of people have turned down my offers for a birthdayesque thing on saturday or sunday. Fortunately I still have scott and laura. I don't know how I would be without either of them.
I probably wont be able to go to mr. spots again until saturday or late friday. Fuck.
Tuesday, January 16, 2001 10:58 p.m.
Asking Too Much
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
I never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themself
do you think I'm asking too much?
____________________________________________________________
words and music by ani difranco
Tuesday, January 16, 2001 10:02 p.m.
bad night. Long bad night. I hope you had a better one than me.
As Ms. Pagels said, "it's just one of those days, you know?"
But it was all about her blue sweater.
Monday, January 15, 2001 09:52 p.m.
I'm gonna be up laaaaate tonight working on my genetics paper. That's cool. I spent today doing work for it, too. Lovely. Anywho. I thought I'd update & say hello. Hello. How are you? I am good. Four shots of espresso in me know.
I don't like color printing at kinkos.
goodnight.
Sunday, January 14, 2001 06:09 p.m.
So, on friday I had the world's longest school day, in which I did very little. I had 2nd period twice and missed AP lit altogether. Not something I was sorry about, exactly, but it make the shift from do nothing in 2nd to do nothing in fourth seem really bizarre. I actually had genetics work that I did in both classes, as well as yacking about my college applications.
Everyone was talking about holiday ball and basically getting mad at me for not going... Well, that's cool. I didn't have a date. and I DON'T LIKE dances. I mean, those same friends were talking about supplying the pre-dance alcohol. Which everyone knows is my total bag, and that I'll jump at any chance to get plastered. Now, why would someone want to go to an event that the only way one could get through it was to drink? pfft.
Friday afternoon I worked on Congress registration for about 2 hours, then scrambled home, called 6 people, rushed to make graham a birthday card, and rushed back to graham's house. Graham's father dropped us off at the Meridian 16, where we had reserved ... 6 seats to save the last dance? I think 6. There were 9 people there total. And, depressingly enough, it was a packed house.
But, there were some excellent moments in the movie, when Julia Stiles tried to learn how to survive in an inner-city NY school.
After the movie, I was dropped off nearly immediately, which was just shocking to me. It was 10:00!!
So scott came to pick me up at my house, and we went to stella's. We had the cool waitress, and, I ate food. First meals of the day are good.
By then it was about 11:30, so I went home. I did have to get up at 6 the next day.
So after a short nap david was at my house to pick me up. We made it safely to sara's and then up the hill to ellunsburg. Probably the most entertaining and worthwile part of the trip was the 4.5 hours spent in a subaru on the way and back.
That meeting made me a bitter old hag about JSA. Most of the time was spent praising the people who were there and criticizing the people who weren't, but if those people hadn't been present the exact same types of criticisms would go on. I'm fucking sick of it. We're these great leaders and all we can do is bicker about who's doing what. Oh, great. Great great great.
So asides from all the shmack talking, we did relatively little. Again. So, six hours of my life were well spent. We talked a smidge about congress and attendance. And informally about next year's elections, but even more shmack talk came from that.
I came home, having a few frightening snow-related experiences, and was completely exhausted. My dad took me out to dinner at chez richard's, and shortly after I went and robbed a few banks with scott.
I finally came home @ 1 am, to sleep for 15 hours, and now. To start my homework.
Have a good night.
Thursday, January 11, 2001 11:23 p.m.
Hi. I thought I should enter an entry cos I didn't yesterday. That was because I was at rehersal til 4 or so, then I did work on my emerson application, had a small fight with my mother, did homework, went to coffee with laura, anna showed up at spots, came home, worked on my bill for congress, called nicole & david, and watched some of law & order. Whew. That was kind of a lot.
Tonight I'm going to the opera and I'm very excited. I /still/ have to go to rehersals today, and I have to make a bunch of phone calls.
BLEGH.
I realize that I have no time for my genetics paper this weekend. I'm busy friday night, all day saturday, and saturday night. And I want to go see high fidelity too. Hmm. Interesting.
So all day sunday I will be working on my paper. I suppose monday too cos we have a three day weekend! I just remembered that.
I feel awful that I'd be using that holiday that way, but it's not like I'm going to jump up and become a political activist by monday.
I'm trying my best. And that's the truth.
Wednesday, January 10, 2001 01:19 a.m.
well, to make up for me sleeping excellently last night (I think I got 10 hours or something), you'll note the time I am writing this now. Hmm.
Other than that I'm ok. I hate school. I finished my UW and CWU applications today. Emerson this week.
Blah. I didn't know david gray made four other albums. Yum.
What a lovely entry.
Monday, January 8, 2001 09:26 p.m.
I figured I would get online and say goodnight before I went to bed. I am /so/ sleeping tonight. :)
These are: Lloyd (being held up), Dave, Laura, Me, Chris (in front), George, Neil, Michael, and Jeff. This was at the end of our trip to whidbey a month ago. Good times, good times.